Feeling FOUND

Friends <3

The Lord has been pressing something so needed on my heart lately(praise), and it’s taken me weeeeks to put it into words that can help me explain it to another. I think someone else could really benefit from this, I know I did, so I pray this speaks to you in one way or another!

When you are 19 and fresh into college, it’s easy to feel confused and alone at times. And I’ve come to find that a lot of people feel lost when they first start college or move to a new place. Maybe that’s you, and you’re thinking to yourself – “This all made sense at one point. Why now does this feel so confusing?” Whats up, my name is Meredith, and we have something in common.

Rewind back to spring of 2019.

It’s senior year and I am praying over my college decision. Over the span of a few months, I watched everything unfold towards College of Charleston. So with confidence, I gave my yes. I put down my deposit. I started the hunt for roommates. Applied for my dorm. Sent the “I have decided to go with a different college, but thank you for taking interest in me!” emails. 

Spring of 2019, everything felt it had found its place. I could feel God’s peace in every move I made towards Charleston. I could see His provision that would be to come to Charleston. In the distance, I could see His purpose for me. I was excited, confident, and at peace – knowing His hands held the future and my purpose in Charleston was soon to be revealed. 

Spring of 2019, Though I could not yet see my purpose in Charleston, I knew it was there. I was truly thriving. I was excited for the good times, and ready for the hard times. I was expectant of hardships, and I trusted Him to carry me through if & when they were to come.

And then the hardships came. And I was not so much thriving. Loneliness took over, depression found its home in me. Confusion circled my mind, causing me to lose sight of a purpose I once believed would be revealed here. I struggled to feel safe & at home in a new community. I just wanted to be with my community back at home – those who already knew me and knew my story. Starting over completely ??? Yeah sounded alright when I was still in the comfort of my home, but not so much anymore. Thanks…thanks but no thanks.

My mindset was merely this: “Aight God. So like, I knew it was going to be hard at times… but this hard? This was some evil trick. He set me up for something harder than I can handle.” The thoughts were paralyzing. They kept me from moving along in my walk with God. I was at a stand still for months. I had made my own agenda for how things were to go, and for how big God was. The thing is, God can’t be put in a box. There was and still is, days where loneliness feels very real. But something I learned from experience is that when you lack solid community, you are able to pursue a unique oneness with God. Jesus sustains me when people let me down. And I don’t place God-sized expectations on people like I once may have.

And in all of this confusion, my purpose is being pieced together. He is intentional and careful with where He plants His people. He has me right where He wants me, and the same for you. And with that being said – He’s not a plant & hope for growth kind of God. No, rather He’s a God who sees you through the growing process. Know that where you have been planted is a place that He promises to see you through. A good gardener tends to his seeds and gives them the water and sunlight they need to flourish. I pray you fall back into this truth. He is doing so much for your growth that you can’t see, that you don’t even know!

Fast forward to where I am now. It’s the second semester of my freshman year of college. I still don’t have all the answers for my purpose in Charleston.. But do I really need them right now? No. And the truth is our purposes in life will come in many different callings and I believe He has many things for us overtime. What a sad thing it would be if He gave me all the answers right now and I decided I didn’t need Him since I knew how things were going to go. He’s a good gardener. He’s a great God.

My dad planted a cute little tree in our front yard over the summer. We all made bets on how long it would live. I remember pulling in the driveway after 2 months in Charleston, home for fall break. The first thing I see is this beautiful tree, already grown so much in just 2 months. I wasn’t there to see it, but so much took place in the midst of 2 months. We cant always see the growing process, but the gardener is always working.

I titled this “feeling found”, because I remember feeling lost a month ago. But as I look back, I’m blown away by the amount of growth He did in my heart when I didn’t understand, and that makes me feel so very found.

Love you, 

Mere <3